For everyone following this Rich helped me out and cleaned up my copy. Here is his version

Hello (add first name if you have it),

What would a page one Google ranking do for your business?

I currently rank over 100 pages for event planners on page one of Google and in less than 2 minutes you will see your company website ranking on page…[Read more]

Thanks for the response Mark. Very excited by my first sale. Gearing up for a massive email launch on Monday. I’ve found that people in my Niche are  ery busy on Fridays.

Big Happy